5 Struggles of an INFJ

The struggle is real, y’all.  Us INFJs have to deal with some things internally on a daily basis that not a whole lot of other people think about or notice.  Here are five of those things that happen inside our heads on (almost) a daily basis.

  1. Every. Single. Day. Is an emotional roller coaster.  emotional
    • Because we tend to absorb the emotions of others, we experience quite a few moods throughout the day.  Think of how many people you encounter in just the 10-12 hours that you’re out in public… even if it’s in passing (I found myself tearing up when I drove past a woman who was crying into her phone on my way to work).  Yeah.  It’s that bad.  So it’s not that difficult to imagine why we want to be alone at the end of the day.
  2. We don’t know why, we just KNOW.  prediction 
    • And we hate to say “we told you so”.  So most of the time, we just keep our intuitions to ourselves.  We can’t explain it anyway.  The times I get myself into the most trouble are the times that I ignore my initial “gut-feeling” thinking that I’m wrong or being silly. 90% of the time, I’m not.  The worst part is, at least for me, is that when I do try to warn someone of my gut-feelings, they don’t believe me because I can’t give a logical explanation or evidence to back it up.  Then I just have to sit back and watch what I knew would happen… happen.
  3. We DESPERATELY want to be invited out after work for drinks…… so we can say “no”.  wonder
    • It’s not that we actually want to tell them “no”, but it’s an internal BATTLE to want to be included and to be social and make connections……. but that new series just came on Netflix and our bed is so comfortable and we can’t WAIT to get comfy and settle in for some much-needed alone time.  But then, the next morning when everyone is talking about how fun last night was and sharing inside jokes, we will regret not going.  And that new girl in the office seems really nice and has a tendency to quote lines from your favorite TV series…… there’s a solid possibility for friendship there.  But then what if we get to the bar and every conversation is shallow and vapid?  What if we don’t connect with anyone and we have to engage in polite, forced conversation all evening? What if all we can think about is going home, but then we have to stay an appropriate amount of time so as not to offend our coworkers or draw too much attention to ourselves?  THIS IS THE WAY OUR MIND WORKS, PEOPLE.  We have a desire to have close friendships and to be social, but we want our solitude equally as much.
  4. Our thoughts make COMPLETE sense…. until we try to put them into words.  talking
    • Do you even know how frustrating it is to be able to understand every thought going through your mind, but every time you attempt to express it to someone else you end up sounding like an air head?  Or like you may have a language disorder?  It’s like we all have Apraxia of speech or something.  As much as everyone is going to judge me for this, there are times when me and my husband argue that I have to take a time out, exit the situation, and LITERALLY text out what I’m thinking and feeling to him because it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me to adequately express myself verbally, especially when I’m flustered and upset.  Add those emotions in and I sound like I have Apraxia AND a stutter.  If you have an INFJ in your life that feels this same way, giving them a safe, calm space in which to formulate their thoughts or even letting them write you a letter (or a text message) will not only help them to be more coherent, but also to feel more understood.  As bizarre as you may think it is, just go with it.  You’ll get brownie points in the end.
  5. We make up hypothetical situations and problems in our heads and then proceed to worry about them obsessively.  overanalyzing
    • Revert back to #3 for reference.  This can even happen to us when we’re viewing a situation in retrospect.  I have spent days worrying about something dumb I said that could have come off the wrong way.  This is because we are avid perfectionists (I used to cry in grade school because I couldn’t make my zeros a perfect circle) and we hate the thought of unnecessarily offending anyone or being misunderstood (which happens a lot).  If you have an INFJ in your life that can get caught up in these episodes of moping over something that may not have even happened or hasn’t happened yet, I know that for me it helps to talk it out.  By talking it out, we kind of realize that everything we are obsessing over might not be as bad as we’re making it out to be, even if it does turn out to be true.

As with everything that I write in this blog, every INFJ is slightly different and will experience things in their own way.  However, these five things seem to be resounding themes throughout an astounding number of INFJs.  These are just things to keep in mind when interacting with this type to help you recognize things that are going on in their inner world (because we’re terrible about sharing that).  Just remember: beneath our quiet and closed-off exterior, we’ve got a lot of stuff to deal with on the inside and the best thing you can do for us to try be patient and understanding and embrace the awkward.

As always, thanks for reading!  Have a wonderful end to your week 🙂

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